Growing up, we all imagined what our life would look like once we hit the big 3-0, once we had kids, or once we got married. There's a lot to love about reaching all of those milestones. But as I reach them, I'm realizing more and more that I wish I had been more conscious of how much there is to love about the lead-up, too. Even some of the darkest moments breakups, fights, you name it! actually turn out to be beneficial in the long-haul.
Given all the hype and hoopla around finding The One and getting hitched, we often forget to focus on all the awesome things we can and should be doing for ourselves and our relationship before we say "I do." For that reason, I feel like every woman should have a premarital bucket list.
Without pointing fingers, most marriages fail as a result of one party or the other not knowing what they ought to know even before going into the marriage. This article focus more on the girl child.
Here are a few things you should know and avoid.
1. Sex And Sleeping Over Is Not A Marriage Certification. Rather a sin because of what it begets. Engaging in pre-marital sex is like opening a surprise bag before it is being delivered to you. No matter how you sugar-clothe it, whether you call it ‘dating,’ ‘fianceship,’ ‘betrothedness’ or all whatnot, it is wrong and it is very wrong to start living with the opposite sex before marriage; you pose yourself to be a toy to be played with then discarded when a new catch comes.
By the way, whoever likes an old, overused stuff that came free! Dear singles, don’t let anyone deceive you. Some married lady may be telling you to also do it, saying that’s how she got hers. One question: with how many men was she this cheap before one unfortunate one was deceived?
2. Cooking, Sweeping, And Laundry. You saw ‘cooking’ right? You must feel it’s a misplaced priority, but I’ll prove you wrong. The African man will always stress on this wife-to-be being a good cook who can bring out his best meals palatable.
Come to think of it, do many of them not cheat after all and choose another girl probably so who hasn’t even cooked for him once? Whoever told you food restrain cheats! If you like, wash his dirty undies as well as his lineage’s dump, mob the whole stair case from his house to the express, do the dishes, or sweep his house even to the next three streets, he’ll marry the person he’ll still marry.
Sorry to poke your bubble. Many who did all these ended up in Titanic tears. In fact, I advise you to be you: let him know the boundaries of a wife and a girlfriend. As you yourself keep numerous male friends trying to sift the best option, guys also keep a handy of female friends till the ‘heavenly’ match is ascertained. Don’t come and nanny another woman’s husband for free!
3. Avoid The ‘Sex Before Marriage’ Crew. I have little to say. Just realize that many perverts are finding the nearest gullible one to use this ancient trick on. What actually are they testing? If they don’t believe you are the marriage type, why don’t the choose another? Truth is if you accidentally get pregnant, there is still no guaranty of marriage. You have your permission to try it; it’ll end in tears.
4. Take Care Of Your Body. Taking care does not mean you have to fix hawk feathers as eye-lashes, expose cleavages or wear mini-skirt, it actually means being responsible. Go easy on the make-up, it actually doesn’t get anything positive, but sexually negative.
Second, if you have a bump on your belly that protrudes, try to treat it. Over 98% of guys alive will actually take it for what it commonly is: THAT YOU DON BORN BEFORE! Funnily, if that is the case, you cannot hide it, almost all guys are specially gifted in discovering this. You see why you shouldn’t even have pre-marital sex in the first place, let alone an abortion?
5. Always Say The Truth About Your Details. Rather than lying, it’s better you tell your partner that a particular request is confidential. Remember, one lie must need more lies to keep the lie young. One thing is you can freely lie about your age, certification or any other thing and get married (a trophy you think) but believe you me, the day your partner discovers you fooled him all along, that is the day you pause the love, trust and peace forever, and start enjoy Buchi Emecheta’s joy of motherhood.
6. Learn how to cook. Not because you're getting ready to be someone's June Cleaver, but because it's reassuring to know that you can fend for yourself in the kitchen.
7. Splurge on yourself. Because you can and you should!
8. Have at least one big blowout fight with your future spouse. Then make up. It's good to know you can get through it.
9. Date around. Serial monogamists often feel like they missed out on the experiences of going on both good and really bad/hilarious/cringe-worthy dates.
10. Face one of your biggest fears. Be it skydiving, public speaking, or dining in public alone.
11. Try having a friend with benefits. If only to make sure that friend you always had a crush on doesn't somehow become "the one who got away."
12. Focus on your education. Not that you can't do this once you're married, but you may want to spend pre-martial time on getting one -- or several! degrees.
13. Live with your partner. Sure, if you're old-school, you may not be a fan of this one, but it can definitely serve as a "test drive" before buying the car.
14. Decide how you feel about kids. Kind of like money, a majorly important thing to reflect on/discuss before getting hitched.
15. Clean up your act. AKA drinking less, eating healthier, working out more.
It’s not about looking beautiful or less beautiful that determines the speed, it’s about discovering who you shouldn’t be.
It’s about not following the worldly course of fashion. Most times, we are the reason why our relationSHIPS sail for the rift.
Remember, not all engagement rings are an Alice-in-wonderland world, some are suffeRINGS.